Dream Destroyers

All too often you read, see and hear stories of people’s dreams, goals, and desires being dashed by so called “experts.” You know, those people who destroy you by thinking they know better, and in all good sweetness, put you down in a supportive way, conveying that you will amount to nothing. All too often, I see clients whose love and aliveness is dashed by one of these so called “experts” that purport to know better. Clients who then suffer low self-esteem, depression, misery and that then becomes a foundation of their lives.

You see, when a so-called expert tells you, you can’t even start something, or do something, it stops you even trying, and in the trying, to make discoveries, you enter a learning curve, you gain wisdom from your experiences, but that simply being told you can’t live your dream, you can’t have, you will amount to nothing –  is very destructive.

So why?

We live in a very competitive culture. You only have one winner and a zillion losers, and that thinking in itself is very destructive. The opposite is also true, when you’re doing really badly at something and people keep telling you your great at it. I had a client come to me around 30 years ago, she wanted to be a famous singer, that was her dream, her goal. I asked her where she had sung, she said she hadn’t sung anywhere at all but wanted to be a famous singer, that the reason she was seeing me was that through hypnosis I could somehow make her a  famous singer, I inquired further, where do you sing? “Nowhere” she replied. It came to be that she had never had lessons, never sung anywhere, not even in the shower. Yet wanted to be a famous singer.

I told her she should go and have some lessons to see if her voice could be trained in a way that she wanted. She got very angry and stormed out. So even though this was her dream,  she had never attempted it, I was still offering her opportunities to explore that avenue.

Now it could have been an imaginary bubble to keep her safe, to give her something to work towards because she lived a miserable horrible life of inactivity and doing nothing. The following sessions that she came to allowed her to ground herself and she did decide to go off and have some singing lessons. Now did she succeed? I don’t know. But at least she had a go, the adventure of trying and discovery – living.

All too often in our society people who don’t live their dream, put energy into their goals, find a way around things – lose their aliveness. The problem is simply we are told to be an individual and unique, as long as we remain a shade of grey, fit in and don’t rock the boat, and when you take competition into that, as well as other people’s egos, the pecking order to success, and we wonder why there are so many mental health issues plaguing our society today.

Is is amazing that native tribal people who are just being discovered in the jungle, have zero mental illness. They help each other, they support each other, they teach each other valuable skills to survive. You will find no competitive winners or losers there.

Is competition a good thing?

Yes. If represented in the right way in strengthening your skills. Competition is great if you don’t have a culture where everyone praises the one winner and destroys everyone else attitude. In the soccer World Cup, you will see one standout player scoring goals he does so for the team. However, in the same World Cup you can only have one winner, and the losing team, feels like crap and utterly destroyed, but more importantly, not good enough. Yet here we see the best players on the entire planet, those who are at the top of their game, feeling like crap because the other team won.

So what message does this send our young people of today. Simply, to get to the top you have to crush and destroy all opposition.  This is absolutely the wrong approach.

Then take into account age, always having to defend your position. The young people climbing up the social, work or corporate ladder, where in our culture age is seen as a health condition. Yep, being old is not a good thing in the competitive society in which we live.

I was watching television, there was this show about renovating house and gardens. One team renovated the garden so beautifully, so uniquely, it was simply a touch of genius. Yet the judge trashed it, destroyed them completely, simply because it wasn’t a shade of grey like every other house. It wasn’t what the judged liked, so he trashed them and psychologically, the so called “Expert”, destroyed them. Rather than, the exploration of a wonderful job, of unique creativity. The garden did look beautiful. Yet those on that team, you could tell, would never ever be creative again. They would just simply stick to bland and commonplace.

When I work with people, I strive for the balance. What is your dream? Let’s explore and discover that, let’s find a way if that’s possible. Some people retire to then start exploring and living their dreams. 99% never do. There’s an old saying, visions of the young (all the things you want to do explore and succeed in). Become visions of the old (that “if only”, and the sadness of never attempting where they should have).

Find people who can support you in your goal. Be flexible enough to learn new skills, find a way. Put energy dedication and persistent work in achieving your dreams. And only in doing this we find the right fit for you. There was once an actor who was okay at acting, but still felt of emptiness. That actor ended up directing films, winning awards, living life in a fulfilled way and having a ball.

Let my hypnotherapy, help you find your goals, and to discover what you love, and what you want to achieve.



About mat fav

Matthew is a Registered full time Professional Clinical Hypnotherapist, and has been since 1986. He is fully trained in all aspects of Professional Clinical Hypnosis and is bound by various professional codes of ethics. Professional member of the ASCH.
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